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Let me tell you why as a parent, you are struggling with a fixed mindset- and 10 tips to change that

Let me tell you why as a parent, you are struggling with a fixed mindset- and 10 tips to change that

Firstly, let’s try a short test.

Do you:

  • Think school grades are an important factor in your child’s future?

  • Think we should always strive for perfection?

  • Believe some people are more talented/clever than others?

  • Struggle to accept feedback from other people?

  • Hide your flaws as not to be judged by others?

  • Feel threatened/ jealous by the success of others?

  • Blame yourself/ partner/child when you/ they make a mistake?

If you have answered yes in most of the questions, you are probably struggling with a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is when we believe our intelligence and skills are pregiven and no matter how much we try or how hard we work they will not change significantly.

What we believe, shapes what we achieve’.


The theory of growth mindset is relatively new (2006) and there is a good chance when you were growing up, that your parents didn’t know about it. Consequently, there is also a good chance you were brought up thinking that:

  1. Mistakes are unacceptable

  2. You should always be perfect in what you do

  3. That you should always look clever and that you are not struggling

  4. That if you are struggling, then you are not clever enough

There is also a good chance you struggled/still struggling with self-esteem issues and with self-compassion.


I am not enough

I will always be alone

I am a failure

Did these thoughts ever cross your mind?

The good news is that we can learn to promote a growth mindset in ourselves with some hard work and dedication. When you start working on yourself as an adult and a parent, you will then begin to see positive changes in your child too.

If parents don’t heal their own wounds, they’re bound to pass them to their children’

Our mission here in Calm Little Minds is to educate you as a parent on the most important topics so you can take care of your child’s mental wellbeing. But also, to support you in this journey to learn how to take care of yourself and to break the cycle of outdated parenting.

If you feel you are struggling with a fixed mindset, follow these 10 simple steps to start promoting a growth mindset and improving your mental wellbeing.

  1. Acknowledge you are struggling

The first step in making fundamental changes in your life is understanding you are struggling. When you acknowledge that, you can proceed to reflect on why you are struggling with a fixed mindset and how it’s affecting your everyday life.

  1. Explore and try to understand why you want to develop a growth mindset

What has been holding you back so far? How can you make small changes in your life to help you develop a growth mindset? How will your life change if you change your mindset? How will your parenting improve?

  1. Understand and start seeing failure as a part of learning and not as incompetence

We all fail one way or another. Unfortunately, our generation was brought up thinking we should be perfect in everything we do, avoiding mistakes at all costs. We all learned one way or another that it’s best to hide our mistakes than own them and learn from them. Thankfully, many recent studies in neuroscience prove that making mistakes is good for our brain, so go ahead and embrace your failures!

  1. Set realistic goals and understand your own limitations

When you set realistic goals and know your own limitations, you know how much effort you will need to achieve each goal.

  1. Find inspirational people to look up to

Trust me, they are everywhere. You just need to open your eyes and see.

  1. Be mindful of the words you are using

Ah, the narrative we use! This applies in all areas of life so let me give you an example. Let’s say you are learning to use a kitchen appliance which is proving to be more complicated than anticipated. You try a couple of times but fail. There is a good chance you will say ‘Oh, I will never figure this out’! When we use sentences like this, our brain receives the message that you should stop trying and gives up. On the other hand, when we use phrases like ‘I will figure this out’ our brains get’s the signal and we feel motivated to try harder and find a solution. Additionally, when we use unmotivating phrases our children are listening to us…

  1. See challenges as opportunities

What can you learn from each challenge? How will taking a challenge change you as a person? As a parent? Will your children see you differently if you do?

  1. Try to reflect on your mistakes and find lessons in them

Reflecting on your mistakes is a perfect way of understanding what you did wrong, how you can improve next time, and what lesson did you take from them.

  1. Celebrate the success of others

Appreciate the work of others, celebrate them, and learn from them.

  1. Start using the word ‘yet’ more often.

Such a simple exercise but so powerful. When you are having self-limiting beliefs, just add the word ‘yet’ at the end. ‘I am not good at cooking, yet’. ‘I am not the best role model to my kids, yet’.